Memories are made of this.

After cleaning (some more) of my things out of my childhood bedroom, I returned home with three videos of my ballet performances from '92, '93 and '94.

 

I did ballet from the age of 5 - 12, finishing just before I would have started to learn to go en pointe; before I would have really had to have committed.

 

So, I did yearly exams and productions in which I performed in such delightful roles as a Wood Sprite, Bluebird, Flower Girl, etc etc. No solos, Nothing fancy; your typical little-girl-learning-ballet routine.

 

While I loved the thought of being a dancer (still do. hence name of blog), I always thought that I stood out in the class as being particularly fat and clumsy. Lacking in skill and grace. I would get really upset on the way to class, panicking about standing out and looking like an idiot next to those small, light, delicate girls and their amazing ability to remember what all those french terms meant.

 

In years since, whenever anyone asked my I didn't continue with ballet, I would answer that it was because as that point I really had to choose if I was going to focus on music or ballet. That ballet classes would increase in frequency and difficulty once in high school. Which was true and was the main reason i gave up.

 

But I would always follow up that statement with a negative, self-deprecating "oh, I was never going to be a dancer - a fat little hobbit like me! Can you imgine!". Harharhar.

 

It's true, I was never going to be a dancer - I had neither the drive, dedication, passion, or talent to go the distance. Being a dancer takes some serious passion. I was never going to be a dancer, but it wasn't because I was fat or clumsy.

 

One of my favourite lines from Rules of Attraction by Brett Easton Ellis is "How time distorts things". Those years doing ballet, feeling self-concious and inadequate - too big, too useless - really defined the remainder of my teen years.(which I also spent feeling too fat, too useless). I was never teased, just to be clear, this was all from me.

 

I just watched one of those videos. I do not stand out. I am the same size as most of the girls in my class. There is very little difference between my performance and those of my classmates - I am just as light on my feet, just as graceful. There are a couple of girls who stand out , and I can tell you that they did go on to become successful dancers. But the rest of us? we are lovely, delicate little flowergirls.

 

 

How time distorts things.

Photo from here

Lest we forget.

"Those heroes who shed their blood and lost their lives! You are now lying in the soil of a friendly country. Therefore rest in peace. There is no difference between the Johnnies and Mehmets to us where they lie side by side here in this country of ours. You, the mothers, who sent their sons from far away countries wipe away your tears; your sons are now lying in our bosom and are in peace. After having lost their lives on this land they have become our sons as well."

 - Ataturk (inscribed on a memorial at Gallipoli, Turkey)

It is a very special day for New Zealanders and Australians today. It is ANZAC Day - the day where we take the time to remember all those who have served, and still serve our two countries. It is about reflection and also about celebrating the special bond that New Zealand and Australia have. Sure, we have a rivalry (sometimes friendly and sometimes less so!) but when the going gets tough we have each other's backs and I love that.

 

It is a privilege to be able to perform every year at the Christchurch civilian's service, and something I always look forward to.

 

2013 also marks ten years since we toured England with the National Youth Band of New Zealand, an amazing three weeks culminating in a performance in the ANZAC Day service at Westminster Abbey. Cannot believe it has been ten years! That was a particularly special ANZAC Day, as was 2008, when we travelled to Turkey to be at ANZAC Cove. We arrived by bus the day before and then sat outside all through the cold night, before participating in the dawn service and NZ Service at Chunuk Bair. I found the whole experience to be extremely moving and hope to return one day.

Mmmm, new boots

Ever since travelling in Europe and crushing on the {seemingly} effortlessly stylish girls there, I have wanted me some low heel brown leather boots. For tucking jeans into and wearing with leggings (Not As Pants) and such.

And now I have them. Montreal, by Boston Brown here (though not available online).

I am not usually one for the fashion and whatnot {I doubt you'll catch any "outfit posts" here} but I do love my pretty new boots!

The 13th Country

I am so proud of my country today.

In a 77 to 44 vote, New Zealand became the 13th nation in the world to legalise gay marriage.

Completely stoked. Completely.

Love it.

Annnd stretch (can I use that again?!)

So the last time I posted was in August 2010. We had been back in New Zealand for 8 months, and were looking forward to our wedding day coming up that October.

I had intended at that time to get back into blogging, but somehow it didn't happen. Not sure why, really. Too busy, perhaps, or just not feeling it.

To be honest, I'm not entirely sure how succesfull I will be this time either.

Now, in April 2013, we have been married for two and a half years and have a 6 month old baby boy - Cooper. Life is busy, but a lot of fun.

Sometimes I think back to our OE. Two and a half years in the UK and then six months travelling home - five in our van, Brett, driving around Europe, and a month or so travelling from Costa Rica up into Mexico. Three years on it feels hardly real. At some point (maybe this year?) I will start to read my diary of our six months on the road, and will wallow in the memories of going wherever we wanted, doing whatever we wanted, eating {lots} of amazing food, and generally just having the time of our lives together.

I didn't keep a diary of our wedding (ha), but it was exactly how we had hoped and imagined it would be. We had a phenomenal day surrounded by people who love us and only want the best for us. The ceremony was perfect - as was the reception - and oh my goodness the FOOD. Wow. And the dancing. And the general revelry. Perfect. Would I do it again? Well, it was a lot of planning and stress in the lead up, but if I could I would throw a party like that every year!

Now I'm a stay at home mum and loving it {most of the time}. Life is a little different to how it was three years ago - but I hope you stop in from time to time!

annnnddd stretch!

It's been more than a year since my last post - an amazing, thrilling (and at times a bit challenging) year.

We have driven around Europe in a van, thrown tomatoes at La Tomatina, been woken up by yelling French policemen at 2am, climbed an active volcano in Guatemala, ice skated in Central Park and have faked-laughed (as well as real-laughed) at Letterman. I can't even remember half of it, but I'm not yet ready to read my diaries (yes, plural).

It's been massive, and now we are home. We have jobs and a flat and now we are house hunting and getting married in LESS THAN 9 WEEKS!

I can't believed how quickly the time has gone. I can't believe it has been more than a year since my last post.

I am not sure about a lot of things - including whether or not to begin blogging again. I am damn excited about getting married, though.

Super vantastic!!

So you've seen the before photos...

Here are the afters!!



So exciting!! Dave is out on his work leaving do, and I'm still recovering from my one (= complete bender on Wednesday night). Tomorrow we head to Preston for a last listen to the band and our last Manchester goodbyes, and then we're running for the border and hope to be in Scotland by nightfall!

Won't be writing again for a while I don't think, so take care and thanks for reading!!

Ju xxx

XKCD friday!

From here

Have a great weekend! we are going camping with friends in the Lake District and, if the weather holds, are going to attempt to walk along here without falling off:

(if you're thinking it must be wider than it looks... yeah, it's really not.)

Also - AMAZING photos floating around the internet this week - by Dina Goldstein, and so far seen here and here...check them out. Rapunzel in particular I think is phenomenal.

Fun things : Stress

Signs that I am stressed:

• Hair falling out
• Glands have come up
• Not sleeping
• When am sleeping, have screaming fits at Dave in which I say that I despise him and use words that I don't normally use.
• Feel sick 72% of the time.

(nb: this is not intended to be a whinge - I just think it's interesting how predictable my body is. The last time this happened was before I left the UK for NZ last year, and when leaving NZ the first time in 2007)

Thankfully, I know that the second we finish saying our goodbyes I will be 100% ok and back to normal (i.e. have screaming fits at Dave when awake, not asleep). And in the meantime, these are weeks full of exciting purchases that make me think I am George out of "Five Run Away Together". The van is our own little Kirrin Island.

Fun things list:

• solar shower
• solar power charger
• purple fold-out sofa bed contraption
• teeny tiny gas cooker stove contraption
• twine
• shovel
• grater, peeler, can opener, utility knife
• plastic bowls, plates, and cutlery
• powdered milk and instant mash potatoes (eww)
• stockpiled canned things. I'm half tempted to remove the labels so that every day is a surprise

Minus the physical manifestations of stress, this is a lot of fun!

XKCD Friday!!

From here

We're off to Paul and Ang's tonight, and then Helena is visiting from Dublin for the weekend! lots of busy van things to do tomorrow, so there should be an update (and hopefully some pics) on Monday to show for it.

And yes, Katie - it is vantastic!

Mmm, yum!

We just had a lovely relaxed weekend with Mel, who was up from London to visit. I tried my hand at red velvet cupcakes for her birthday – aren’t they cute?!


The ones from Hummingbird Bakery have a delicious cream cheese icing on their famous red velvet cupcakes that I couldn’t replicate, due to a bit of Sainsbury’s confusion between crème freche and “soft cheese”. The butter icing was still yum though.

On Sunday we headed out to Lyme Park and Hall – which was used as Pemberley in the {excellent} BBC adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. It was pretty, but rainy and blustery – so possibly not the best day for it. The Sunday roast afterwards was superb though.

We have a sofa bed (for the van) today! Exciting!!

Friday Van Update! (sorry, not XKCD today)

Sorry for the intermittent posting – while I love blogging things are crazy right now, so although I’ll try and check in every couple of days it might not actually happen.

We leave in 3 weeks. I am nearly wetting my pants from an equal mix of excitement and fear – I know this trip is going to be amazing and life-changing (even more so than the last 2 years which, frankly, have been amazing enough (more amazing than I first expected anyway. The whole leaving New Zealand thing took me a while to get my head around)) but I’m still terrified. (sorry for the excessive brackets). ()()()().

One thing I am COMPLETELY sick of though, is saying goodbyes. I don’t deal with goodbyes very well, and am already getting teary at the thought of saying goodbye to my dance teacher, who I have actually had very little to do with. I am that girl that cries when saying goodbye to the neighbours cat. The cat (and the dance teacher) probably won’t even miss me that much. I forsee countless embarrassing goodbye sessions coming up over the next 3 weeks where I cry (nay, sob) and the good-bye-ee stands bewildered, wondering why I’m that bothered, because they only met me a handful of times. When leaving New Zealand the first time (and the second time, last year) I really struggled, and now I’m just wishing that I could mass email people and run away without saying bye to anyone. Especially some of the really good friends I’ve made while being here, because I don’t know when I’ll see them again and it Just Sucks. I wish they could all migrate with us. (I know, what a crybaby).

On a much happier and more exciting note though – ‘before’ shots of the van!!

We are having heaps of fun cleaning it up after work each night (12 years of builders grime to be removed). We even tore down the wall separating the cab from the back. We are hard core. I found a tin of blackboard paint in the kitchen cupboard, so now the shelves are mini blackboards, which is quite exciting.

The van has named himself “Brett”. We are pleased with both the Flight of the Conchords reference, and staunch nature of the name. Another van we viewed was named Ivan – I wanted to buy it simply based on that fact. Brett is fine though.

More updates to come as carpet is laid and other fittings installed! Last night I bought a solar shower and solar power ipod/phone charger. I love me some gadgets.

Books Books Books

I have been a massive fan of Margaret Atwood since 7th form English (I Did Not love the teacher, but I have to hand it to her – she did introduce me to one of the greater loves of my life). We studied what I think is one of the most interesting novels around, The Handmaid’s Tale, and in a fascinating parallel were studying it on and after September 11 – a fact that had a lot to do with me studying political science at University a year later.

Since then I have made my way through a fair bit of her other work, The Blind Assassin being my favourite of her novels. Just this weekend I finished Cat’s Eye. It was great. GREAT, actually (I'm not so hot on synonyms). Very disturbing, very moving, and I think this one should be compulsory reading for all girls aged 9-11. Well, except for that it’s an adult novel and very disturbing. But still… I bet there are more than a few young ladies who could benefit from this book. I can’t say enough about Margaret’s writing style. I adore her.

I have also just finished reading Breakfast at Tiffany’s – and now REALLY want to see the film. What a bizarre book – not at all what I expected, based on what I had heard re Audrey & co. (I am also in the middle of a love affair with Truman Capote and think his short stories are exquisite. I am currently trying to track down In Cold Blood, which I have heard is fabulous).

I can’t pick a favourite author, but Margaret and Truman are up there, together with William Golding, Aldous Huxley, George Orwell*, Brett Easton Ellis, Jodie Picoult, Paulina Simons, Jane Austen, and Marian Keyes. My favourite book? “The Rules of Attraction” by Brett Easton Ellis – the one occasion where I can’t pick a clear favourite between a book and it’s film adaptation.

Who is your favourite author? What is, if you can pick one, your favourite book? Which is your favourite film adaptation of a book?

*yes, I am aware that this reads like a book list for a black turtleneck-wearing politico study group. I was introduced to these authors in a political psychology course by the greatest lecturer I ever had, so you know… stands to reason really.

You know what’s weird?

Reading the blog of person A, a person that I do not know at all but who happens to live in the same country I used to live in, only to read a comment by person B, click through to the blog of person B, and discover that it’s someone from my not-so-distant past. It really is a small world.

The last time I spoke to B was maybe 3 years ago. I know that at the time we disagreed strongly about something – and while I can’t really remember exactly on what terms we parted (no, it’s not an old love interest), for some reason I know with absolute certainty that we aren’t Friends now. Except on Facebook, but that doesn’t really count. Perhaps it is because our friendship was a high school one that petered out naturally, perhaps we are completely different people now compared to who we were back then, perhaps there is nothing more to it than that, but I am still sitting at my desk feeling a bit funny. Like I want to get in touch but have absolute no idea what I would say, where we would start, what would be the point, or if B would even want to speak to me anyway. Because I don’t know if we are fighting or just acquaintances-who-used-to-be-friends-once.

Is that a bit weird?

B’s blog is hilarious though. Dirty, but hilarious. Someone I would like to know.

You know what's amazing?

This Dress is amazing. Such a simple concept too (if only I was a competent seamstress).

I am smitten. I saw it online and went into American Apparel expecting to not like it (I don't like much from AA, if I'm being honest - check this out) - expecting the material to be thin and cheap, and the cut to be all wrong for me. I was So Wrong. I can wear it, without any real issues, 10 of the 15 recommended ways.

I want this dress, and I want one for each of my friends too.

XKCD Friday!!!

Have a great weekend! It's another lovely Bank Holiday weekend here in the UK, yipee!


From here

Suitable division of duties (or: what I like about Dave)

no, this isn't going to be a post about who does the cleaning and cooking in our relationship (though Dave does {more} than his fair share, to be fair).

On Tuesday night, properly motivated by Greece and ready to Plan Our Trip, Dave drew up a wee list of things that need to be done prior to leaving. Then he drew a neat line dividing the paper in two, assigning more than half the tasks to me. At first, in my head, I was all huh? what IS this? (a center for ants?), but then he explained that he had divided the tasks based on our strengths - that big important things like sorting visas and insurance freak me out; I get overwhelmed and end up procrastinating because doing stuff like that reminds me that I'm upping sticks and leaving the country soon. Instead, becoming immersed in details like ipod chargers, maps, and camping stoves - things that require LISTS - keep me sane and busy. Gotta love him.

He's lucky he was extra cool on Tuesday night though, it was not so long ago that I found out that Dave has been an avid tea drinker at work. For some time. what is going ON??? how did I not KNOW this?! it has been a confusing time
. Dave making ginger moosecuits using a cookie cutter we got in Stockholm. They were delicious:

Ah Greece

It was glorious. We really want to go back there. Work was tough today, Dave sent me photos to my work email to keep me going.



Time to leave England, I think.

Being positive

In an effort to not be so self-deprecating and negative, and inspired by these lists currently floating in the blogosphere, here is my list of 10 things that make me terribly happy: (not including specific people... obv).

1. getting the terravision bus to the airport

2. a cheese platter, a bottle of red, and one or more girlfriends

3. waiting for the curtain to come up at the theatre

4. reading letters from my sister and my gran

5. saving up really really hard for something I covet, and finally holding it in my hands

6. finding treasures at the library

7. dancing and singing giddily when I'm all by myself (a.k.a pretending to be a rock star)

8. being given a bunch of flowers

9. spending over an hour getting ready for a night out - esp if doing so with a friend

10. Christmas

image from here

Such a shame.

On Wednesday we are going to Greece for a few days.

I desperately want to swan around wearing variations on this:


But unfortunately will probably end up looking more like this.


In my day dreams I am so stylish. This rarely never translates to how I actually look. Not that I look completely dire... I am presentable in a my-clothes-are-clean-and-fairly-innocuous kind of way, just not up there with Sienna, Giselle, or any of those other lovely ladies who can put it together. "Fashion Forward" is a term that neither I, nor my well-travelled polarfleece, are familiar with.

Dress, sandals, headband by Naomi.